Ethnic Avenue – The Street That Crosses All the Others

Archive for the ‘Avenue Mailbag’ Category

A reader asks:

Hey Ethnic Will,

I need your help settling an on-going debate with my tight group of friends, which is a bit like the United Nations with all of the exotic races and weird nationalities represented in it. We often make jokes about each other’s race, but once in a great while, someone will “cross the line.” That usually starts a huge thing, that we all get involved in discussing, about what’s “okay” to say about another race.

I need your opinion. Does having a certain number of friends of a given race grant you license to say things about them that someone else might not be able to say?

-R.S. – San Diego, CA

I certainly hope so, because that’s precisely the license I’ve been using (and abusing) on this blog. Having had an ethnically diverse group of friends for most of life, this is an age-old question I’ve considered many times, drawing virtually the same conclusion every time–absolutely.

This is the way I see it: if you’ve succeeded in fostering several relationships with members of a given race, you must have sufficient understanding about those people to make them like you and actually want to be around you (without kicking your ass). Part of relating to anyone is understanding the things they like and dislike based on their individual tastes (like all of us) and general tastes, to which they are pre-disposed based on the groups to which they belong (race, class, regional). So, in other words, by making friends that are of, say, Latino origin, you’re demonstrating a certain base-level of understanding about the Latino race. Prolonged exposure to the group is only going to educate you more.

To use an analogy, think of initially getting the Latino friends as just being admitted into an advanced graduate-level program on Latino Race Studies. But then keeping those friends for years is like advancing toward your Ph.D. in that race. The great thing about this, versus going to a real school (like the prestigious University of Phoenix), is that you can simultaneously work on “degrees” in various races (like me).

You can also punctuate your already impressive credentials with other “certifications,” things like: being married to someone of a given race; having a distant relative of that race; knocking up a girl of that race; or belonging to a formal organization (like a gang) whose membership primarily constitutes of another race.

Now I'm a Ph.D. in White Guys.

So, there’s no questions that, depending on your level of “study,” you are often more-than-qualified to make pretty sweeping generalizations, serious or joking, about another race with the full faith and confidence that you can point to your virtual degrees on the wall if someone should have the temerity to question your training.

The one problem is that not everyone sees it the way I do. There’s a group of race fundamentalists that think the only people that can talk about a race are members of that specific race. And, like most fundamentalists, those guys can get pretty violent. So, like with all shit-talking, proceed with caution. Talking about another race has the standard set of built-in risks (getting beat up or fired). This is yet another time where it’s important to know how talk your way out of a situation and how to un-ball a fist.

That’s one side of the coin. On the other side are the ignorant dumb-asses that never even went to race “college,” never mind advanced studies, but still think they can make assertions without the requisite years of studying. These are your traditional racists that everyone pretty much can recognize.

I don’t get the sense that any of your friends are anywhere close to Race Fundamentalists (or Traditional Racists, for that matter). What you’re experiencing is a natural process: someone questioning whether someone else has the adequate credentials to be making certain assertions.

Prove your skills or keep studying.

It’s probably a good idea to start answering some of the (better) reader questions that come through the Avenue. I’ll start with one about an issue I’ve often pondered myself.

What’s with all the last names for first names among young-ish White kids these days? I thought you might have something to say about this.

Sandy – New York, NY

Sandy,

Naming your kids after (exceptionally Anglo) last names is the new adding-superfluous-letters-to-otherwise-common-names. The Meaghans, Jaymees, and Ashleighs of a couple of decades ago are the Mackenzies, Madisons, and Tylers of today.

Giving your kids a last name as a first name is certainly not a new thing. Back in the day, you’d run into the occasional Spencer or Owen. But there’s definitely been a noticeable spike in the practice in recent years, especially for girls. And, double-especially, among well-off White parents. You don’t often hear a mom calling out for her little Martinez or Garcia.

The explanation is pretty simple. Fancy-ish White parents don’t want to give their kids the same tired-ass, pleb names they have. And, for once, I agree with them. How many more Jennifers or Mikes can you have in the world? Next time you’re on a private college campus, try shouting out “Hey Jenn!” in a crowded area and count how many girls turn around.

This is why I’ve long advocated for a license-plate-style (or internet-address-like) registration system for baby names. If a name is taken, tough shit, you have to add a number two to the end of it, a hyphen in the middle, or come up with a new one entirely. A person’s name goes back into the pool when they die, or legally change it to something else.

A system like this would force people to be a little more creative, and make remembering people’s names a lot easier. Who could forget someone named Jenn-2k10?