Ethnic Avenue – The Street That Crosses All the Others

That’s why I never understood the controversy over Columbus Day.

For most of my life, I thought of Columbus Day as a celebration of the first large-scale gentrification in North America. Since a lot of us ethnic guys have been reaping the benefits of subsequent gentrifications (a flood of white girls into the neighborhood), I thought it was a holiday-worthy event. After all, Columbus got the ball rolling.

What a cute neighborhood! And what reasonable prices.

But, now I’m realizing that Columbus Day is even more. It’s also the day we mark the mighty Native American’s discovery of his kryptonite disease—smallpox. Sure, it decimated millions—and wiped out entire civilizations—but he should have known his weakness. Superman did.

This got me thinking: it’s not right to celebrate only one group’s Achilles-Heal Disease. To be fair, every major ethnicity’s kryptonite should get its own holiday. (Don’t be offended if I left your group out.)

Achilles-Heal Disease Holidays (Proposed List)

• Happy Bloody-Diarrhea Day – Indigenous Americans*
• Happy Sickle-Cell Anemia Day – Blacks, Latinos
• Happy Type-2-Diabetes Day – Latinos, Blacks
• Happy Lactose Intolerance Day – Asians
• Happy Tay-Sachs Disease Day –Jews**
• Happy Sun-Exposure-Induced Melanoma Day – Northern-European Whites
• Happy Gluten-Allergy Day – Other Whites, Miscellaneous

* Already exists

** Already have lots of holidays

2 Responses to “Happy Bloody-Diarrhea and White-Girls Day (Formerly Known as Columbus Day)”