Bullshit Alert: Rolley Guacamole
The no-holds-barred contest for who can best dupe the American public has intensified in recent years. Since we’re getting dumber by minute, the fight isn’t even fair anymore. They’re hitting us from all sides.
The newest entry in the long list of lame-marketing-gimmicks-that-actually-work goes by the name of “table-side guacamole,” the pride of a restaurant chain that goes by the name of Rosa Mexicano (coming to a major city near you).
The premise is simple. Scattered throughout the dining room is a series of wooden carts with a medley of the ingredients in typical guacamole: cilantro, onion, salt, chilies, and, of course, avocados. Before you even settle your full weight onto your ass cheeks, they ask you if you’ve “been here before.” If you make the mistake of saying no, they proceed to tell you about their house specialty—guacamole “made fresh, right before your eyes.”
Would you like your ingredients all served separately?
In exchange for $12, someone will wheel one of the carts to your table, mash a couple of avocados into a bowl and mix together a fresh batch of guacamole. When try it, you’ll immediately realize that this doesn’t taste like any guacamole you’ve had before (unfortunately, not in a good way). You’ll feel like you’re eating cilantro, onion, salt, chilies, and, of course, avocados–but each separately.
Like anyone that’s ever looked at a cookbook in their life can tell you, it’s essential to let the flavors in guacamole–or any other condiment, soup, or meat dish–meld. To brag that you make your guacamole fresh at the table is like bragging that you serve all of your food cold.
Posted in Ethnic Reviews, Stupidity | 
Tags: Bullshit, Customer Service, Gimmicks, Restaurants, Reviews, Rosa Mexicano
It’s happening in every major city that considers itself food worthy enough to have what is considered ‘authentic’ Mexican food. Gimmicks are always annoying, if you ask me.
I don’t know what it is, but food gimmicks are especially annoying to me.
Honestly, I am not so much into politics, but I love that this web site gives also recommendations for food and entertainment. I cannot wait to try that yummy “table side guacamole” and to watch some episodes of the V series.
I must have accidentally clicked on the “Reverse Psychology” check box in the settings. I’m definitely not saying you shouldn’t not go there.
Hey, come on. Rosa’s guacamole is not that bad, really. Okay they give you only a little bowl of guacamole for $12, and the girl making it is constipated, but it is still guacamole. I mean how ethnic should you get to criticize guacamole?
In the picture is someone who looks exactly like me from behind, wearing a Duke shirt. So not only do you mock something I love (fresh guacamole mixed at the table), but you abuse photoshop to show me at a restaurant I’ve never been to, anxiously awaiting a dish you deem beneath you. How low will you stoop? Enjoy your two day old guacamole puree Julia Child! Some of us can’t wait that long.
The interesting thing is that the whole restaurant was filled with people wearing Duke t-shirts.
Won’t two day old ‘Guac’ be a little on the brown side. I used to eat Guac all the time cause I worked in a kitchen, and the prep cooks were Mexican. It seemed like it was the only fresh thing we made in that place, it was tasty as shit! (shit being used as metaphor for delicious)!
Yes and no. I buy store-made guacamole at my local supermarket. There’s a Mexican lady that stands behind a counter and makes it from fresh produce. She packs it into these plastic tubs so no air gets in. It stays green for three days or more. But I wasn’t talking about letting sit for that long–just a couple of hours.
The whole tableside guacamole experience started in Mexico, trust me. Now if you go to crap restaurants that make crappy guacamole, that’s all y’alls bad. The places I went to, in Mexico, were bad ass. I stopped going once I started to get recognized and people started getting beheaded, etc.