Ethnic Avenue – The Street That Crosses All the Others

Posts Tagged ‘Black Girls’

If you’re up late enough watching TV, you start getting the extended commercials for things that tend to appeal to up-late slobs (e.g., Girls Gone Wild tapes, no-work exercise machines, seductive get-rich-quick schemes).

Lately, I’ve been seeing this gem from our friends at eDiets a lot (watch as much as you can tolerate):

Apart from being entirely too long, repetitive, and giving you a nagging case of that embarrassed-even-though-it’s-not-you feeling, this commercial is another sign that the end-of-days is hurtling toward us.

Five Disturbing Things about This Commercial

1. We’re such collective fat-asses these days that you can actually take out two-minute ads on TV for unnecessary “diet plans” and still turn a nice profit.

2. People know so little about basic nutrition that having someone else prepare every single one of your meals and ship it to your door “fresh” is considered a viable option for eating healthy. What’s next: eShits.com, a service where someone else takes your shits for you? You heard it here first.

3. Insultingly out-dated “rap music,” with whack-ass rhymes and tired “hip-hop” phrases (“I got it going on”) and gestures (raise the roof). The only thing missing is a line of kids doing the Running Man in the background.

4. Lamely, and transparently, trying to legitimize the use of a “rap song” by prominently featuring a black girl—who, from her before-and-after pictures, doesn’t even appear to have lost very much weight.

5. Setting back White girls everywhere—who have been working tirelessly to erode the pesky stereotype they can’t dance—by putting on some of the worst White-lady dancers imaginable.

I’m pretty sure everyone has seen that commercial where a couple of white girls are complaining to an unsuspecting black girl about how much work it is to take their birth control pill everyday.

Unlike most people, who tune out during commercials, I generally pay pretty close attention to them. That’s because some of the most fucked up hilarious things about our society are embedded right in our advertising. I do my best to decode them.

I know what you’re thinking: how can you diagnose anything from just another dumb-ass, misleading pharmaceutical commercial? Because, remarkably, this particular dumb-ass pharmaceutical commercial manages to accurately depict several social ills, in a matter of seconds.

Three Actual Problems Depicted in the NuvaRing Commercial

1. Abundance of Brain-Dead Chicks: In the first few seconds of the commercial, the short-haired, Minnie Driver-looking girl is mindlessly humming along to the television (to the tune of another Nuvaring commercial). After that, she manages to remain puzzled throughout. Regrettably, she’s of the now-abundant type that can, and often does, conduct entire conversations–even in-person ones–in emoticons and cutesy internet abbreviations. It’s no coincidence that’s she’s holding her QWERTY cell phone open the whole time. But, of the three, she’s the most harmless.

2. Manipulative, Bitchy Know-It-Alls: The longer-hair ringleader is the type of girl that you (as a man or woman) want to stay away from at all costs. First of all, she’s stupid enough to buy into cheap commercial gimmicks. But despite this, she still thinks she’s smarter than the rest of the group–as evidenced by her rolling eyes and condescending tone with the black chick. Worst of all, this bitch isn’t content with drinking the Kool-Aid herself.  You have to take a few sips too.

3. Lazy, Instant-Gratification Seekers: You have to hand it to the assholes at the pharmaceutical company for astutely recognizing that people are getting so dumb and lazy that they’d prefer to cram something into their body cavity—and hold it there for several weeks—over taking a tiny pill everyday. All three women are guilty of this, though the black girl is naïve enough to let bitchy-know-it-all seduce her into trying it.

In the end, it’s a good thing they’re all wearing NuvaRings. We don’t want these idiots reproducing.