Ethnic Avenue – The Street That Crosses All the Others

Posts Tagged ‘Bullshit’

The no-holds-barred contest for who can best dupe the American public has intensified in recent years. Since we’re getting dumber by minute, the fight isn’t even fair anymore. They’re hitting us from all sides.

The newest entry in the long list of lame-marketing-gimmicks-that-actually-work goes by the name of “table-side guacamole,” the pride of a restaurant chain that goes by the name of Rosa Mexicano (coming to a major city near you).

The premise is simple. Scattered throughout the dining room is a series of wooden carts with a medley of the ingredients in typical guacamole: cilantro, onion, salt, chilies, and, of course, avocados. Before you even settle your full weight onto your ass cheeks, they ask you if you’ve “been here before.” If you make the mistake of saying no, they proceed to tell you about their house specialty—guacamole “made fresh, right before your eyes.”

Would you like your ingredients all served separately?

In exchange for $12, someone will wheel one of the carts to your table, mash a couple of avocados into a bowl and mix together a fresh batch of guacamole. When try it, you’ll immediately realize that this doesn’t taste like any guacamole you’ve had before (unfortunately, not in a good way). You’ll feel like you’re eating cilantro, onion, salt, chilies, and, of course, avocados–but each separately.

Like anyone that’s ever looked at a cookbook in their life can tell you, it’s essential to let the flavors in guacamole–or any other condiment, soup, or meat dish–meld. To brag that you make your guacamole fresh at the table is like bragging that you serve all of your food cold.