Ethnic Avenue – The Street That Crosses All the Others

Posts Tagged ‘News & Politics’

According to the 1990s philosopher, Tupac, revenge is the second-sweetest joy. Today, Senator Roland Burris’s mouth is puckering up from the massive dose of delicious payback he’s slapping across the collective face of Senate Democrats that have been disrespecting him for months.

Sure, he got his seat under suspicious circumstances—not the least of which was being hand-picked at the eleventh hour by the now-impeached-for-corruption former governor of Illinois, Rod Blagojevich. But I’m still having a hard time seeing how it’s worse to get a seat the way he did than by taking millions of dollars in contributions from multi-national corporations.

How you like me now? I'm in the mix.

Since his appointment, this guy has put up with all kinds of humiliation (most of it earned). He wasn’t allowed into his own swearing-in ceremony. They didn’t let him join any committees. And there was a growing chorus calling for his resignation. Imagine going to work every day knowing an additional two or three people are going to want you the-fuck-out. That was Roland Burris.

So after being rendered all but irrelevant, Roland sort of disappeared from the public spotlight—until now.

The Illinois Democrat, appointed by disgraced former Gov. Rod Blagojevich, says he’ll only vote for a bill to provide health care to millions more Americans as long as it allows the government to sell insurance in competition with private insurers.

You have to hand it to the guy; very few of us have this level of endurance. He sat back and waited for the right moment to cash in his token. Then, when he did, he landed a two-for-one: sweet revenge and doing the right thing.

The guy knows how to land a good job, he’s patient, ballsy, and stands up for what the vast majority of people want (but the vast majority of Congress is too pansy to support).

That’s enough to get Roland Burris added to the list of candidates for the Ethnic Avenue All-Stars.*

* Coming soon

So, when Barack Obama started racking up a series of nearly-as-good accomplishments (e.g., publishing a book, becoming the first black president in our 233-year history) we took notice. Since he seemed to have everything under control, we stood quietly on the sidelines.

But, Barack, now that you’ve been awarded the Nobel Peace Prize, it’s impossible to keep quiet. We can’t have you messing up a good thing. You may have gotten this far on your own, but you’re going to need a little Ethnic Advice to get you through the rest of the way (conquering the world).

1. Lose Your Temper from Time to Time.

Ethnic people (especially men) are volatile and unpredictable. It’s what makes us great lovers and leaders. I know you’ve gotten a lot of mileage from the calm-and-collected thing, but the time has come for a little ethnic temper. Your failure to put down the royal smackdown on Joe Wilson on primetime television was one thing, but to continue to put up with the repeated punking from the right-wing is getting a little embarrassing.

What you should have said: "I couldn't hear you. Come up here and say it to my face."

2. Brag and Exaggerate.

Every ethnic guy loves to brag, however small the accomplishment. Rudy is still talking about hitting those two free throws, in clutch time, back in high school. And, here you are with way-more-recent accomplishments. You need to bring that shit up every chance you get. Show up unexpectedly at these townhall meetings and say, “raise your hand if you’re a constitutional scholar.”

3. Stay True to Your Homies.

Don’t forget all of the good advice we gave you along the way (including this). But, especially don’t forget the coalition of grass-roots Progressives, labor unions, and young people that got you into that nice house. We’re still waiting for our national healthcare, end to corporate welfare, and cash for our clunkers (wait, we got that already, thanks).