Ethnic Avenue – The Street That Crosses All the Others

Posts Tagged ‘Obama’

A couple of weeks ago, Ethnic Avenue reported on the sudden unshriveling of Obama’s kick-assery, after an extended, disappointing slumber. Since it was only a single week of ballsy, it was unclear at the time whether the whole thing was just a fluke, or the beginning of something big.

Well, the answer to that question has arrived in the form of a major oh-snap moment against his soundly defeated adversary, Old-Man McCain, at the Heathcare Reform Summit last week. In fact, Obama came down so swiftly and coldly, that I actually felt kind of sorry for the old bastard—despite his infinite dickiness and stupidity.

S-N-A-P. The first thing that came to mind after witnessing that massive dose of shut-the-fuck-up is this now-infamous Sean Connery moment (note Barbra Walters’s change of heart in the final seconds).

Whether Obama is having the Sean Connery Realization–that he’s “tried everything else” and that his beatdown is now “merited”–is unclear. But whatever it is, it’s certainly no fluke.

Barack, the Ethnic Smackdown is strong in you.

Every smack that goes up, must come down. And, even though Obama’s hand seems to have floated in the air for like a year, it came down correspondingly hard and crisp across the collective orange face of the Republican party over the past week.

Like so many others, I made no secret of my disgust for Obama’s repeated punk-outs and disappointing overtures to idiots that never had any intention of working with him. But, for at least one magical week, I’m getting to enjoy some good old-fashioned, sweet ethnic beatdown:

What started with a surprisingly in-your-face State of the Union address, has poured over into a daily–semi-abusive–barrage of calling-out, political flourish, and general ridicule. Seemingly overnight, Obama has gone from a bad case of no-balls accommodationism to a life-threatening case of testicular answer.

Now, that’s my kind of change.

Every year around this time, the TV lights up with lame programs about “where we are” in respect to Martin Luther King’s “Dream.” Even though I recognize the value of the occasional check-in, I’ve always felt that the annual MLK news special was one of those hollow, easy gestures from the CNNs of the world—put mostly in place so the second-string newscasters can log hours while Wolf Blitzer gets “the night off.”  Needless to say, this year’s special got all fucked up because of the whole Obama thing. For the first time in a long-ass time, they actually have some movement on the Dream front.

I don’t actually plan on watching any of these shows that I’ve been seeing commercials for, but I can pretty much guess what they’ll sound (and look) like: a TV-Reporter Asian American Girl walking toward the camera while saying something like, “While Obama’s election marks a big step in the right direction toward fully realizing King’s dream, there’s still a lot of work to blah-blah-blah.” Cue footage of an especially dramatic Obama speech, inter-spliced with some black-and-white MLK footage. I guarantee it.

So, knowing how the news is going to handle that situation, where are we with the Dream, really–especially with a black president and all?

It’s complicated. But I’ll start with the stuff we won’t get into (at least not right now):

• How a whole new breed of dumb-as-shit, redneck racists is coming out of the woodwork since the election
• How Obama may have only gotten the job because the guy before him fucked up so monumentally
• All of the miscellaneous evidence that the world is going to shit (spike in overall stupidity, the economy, obesity epidemic, etc.)

What I will discuss is the condition of MLK Boulevards, Drives, and Streets everywhere. I’ll explain.

For most of my life, I’ve subscribed to the Chris Rock School of Thought on MLK Streets:

The way I see it, MLK Street is a good barometer on how far we’ve come to achieving King’s dream of equality. As long as MLK Street remains a ghetto-ass, dangerous place in most cities, things haven’t changed all that much. Just because a minority or two land a good job, that doesn’t mean the condition of that whole race has improved. It’s just a stroke of good luck or an exceptional hustle by that one person.

So if non-violent MLK Streets is a sign that the Dream has become reality, imagine my dismay when I found this—in Jerusalem, Israel of all places:

It’s a good thing Dr. King kept his Dream domestic.

According to the 1990s philosopher, Tupac, revenge is the second-sweetest joy. Today, Senator Roland Burris’s mouth is puckering up from the massive dose of delicious payback he’s slapping across the collective face of Senate Democrats that have been disrespecting him for months.

Sure, he got his seat under suspicious circumstances—not the least of which was being hand-picked at the eleventh hour by the now-impeached-for-corruption former governor of Illinois, Rod Blagojevich. But I’m still having a hard time seeing how it’s worse to get a seat the way he did than by taking millions of dollars in contributions from multi-national corporations.

How you like me now? I'm in the mix.

Since his appointment, this guy has put up with all kinds of humiliation (most of it earned). He wasn’t allowed into his own swearing-in ceremony. They didn’t let him join any committees. And there was a growing chorus calling for his resignation. Imagine going to work every day knowing an additional two or three people are going to want you the-fuck-out. That was Roland Burris.

So after being rendered all but irrelevant, Roland sort of disappeared from the public spotlight—until now.

The Illinois Democrat, appointed by disgraced former Gov. Rod Blagojevich, says he’ll only vote for a bill to provide health care to millions more Americans as long as it allows the government to sell insurance in competition with private insurers.

You have to hand it to the guy; very few of us have this level of endurance. He sat back and waited for the right moment to cash in his token. Then, when he did, he landed a two-for-one: sweet revenge and doing the right thing.

The guy knows how to land a good job, he’s patient, ballsy, and stands up for what the vast majority of people want (but the vast majority of Congress is too pansy to support).

That’s enough to get Roland Burris added to the list of candidates for the Ethnic Avenue All-Stars.*

* Coming soon

So, when Barack Obama started racking up a series of nearly-as-good accomplishments (e.g., publishing a book, becoming the first black president in our 233-year history) we took notice. Since he seemed to have everything under control, we stood quietly on the sidelines.

But, Barack, now that you’ve been awarded the Nobel Peace Prize, it’s impossible to keep quiet. We can’t have you messing up a good thing. You may have gotten this far on your own, but you’re going to need a little Ethnic Advice to get you through the rest of the way (conquering the world).

1. Lose Your Temper from Time to Time.

Ethnic people (especially men) are volatile and unpredictable. It’s what makes us great lovers and leaders. I know you’ve gotten a lot of mileage from the calm-and-collected thing, but the time has come for a little ethnic temper. Your failure to put down the royal smackdown on Joe Wilson on primetime television was one thing, but to continue to put up with the repeated punking from the right-wing is getting a little embarrassing.

What you should have said: "I couldn't hear you. Come up here and say it to my face."

2. Brag and Exaggerate.

Every ethnic guy loves to brag, however small the accomplishment. Rudy is still talking about hitting those two free throws, in clutch time, back in high school. And, here you are with way-more-recent accomplishments. You need to bring that shit up every chance you get. Show up unexpectedly at these townhall meetings and say, “raise your hand if you’re a constitutional scholar.”

3. Stay True to Your Homies.

Don’t forget all of the good advice we gave you along the way (including this). But, especially don’t forget the coalition of grass-roots Progressives, labor unions, and young people that got you into that nice house. We’re still waiting for our national healthcare, end to corporate welfare, and cash for our clunkers (wait, we got that already, thanks).