Ethnic Avenue – The Street That Crosses All the Others

Posts Tagged ‘Poor People’

The other day I was stimulating the economy (watching television), when I realized that I haven’t seen a (new) show about broke-ass people in a long time.

If you study any of the retro cable stations, you’ll notice that there was a period of time (roughly corresponding to the mid-to-late 70s and very early 80s) where nearly every show was about poor people, or poor people that—through a stroke of implausibly good luck–were suddenly not poor anymore. The characters had “real” problems, and their socio-economic status was accurately reflected in their living situations.

Some examples off the top of my head:

Then, all of sudden, everyone on TV was automatically rich. I don’t mean start-off-poor-and-then-get-rich, I mean just unrealistically comfortable from the start. People that worked regular jobs had ridiculously nice homes, and stuff that they never would have been able to afford in real life. Take Family Ties. Even though the guy worked at a non-profit radio station, and the wife (if I remember correctly) didn’t even work, they lived in a beautiful, wood-paneled house with (eventually) four kids.

I know what you’re going to say: “That was Columbus, Ohio. You can probably buy a nice house there with a handful of paperclips.”

Even if that’s true, there are tons of examples throughout the 80s and 90s. Take Married with Children—set in Chicago. Al Bundy worked a fucking retail job (shoe store), but still had a decent two-story house–in a nice neighborhood–with three kids, a dog, and a lazy, spendy wife. Impossible. In real life, these assholes would have been foreclosed on by the second episode.

But even more common than the unrealistic income-to-status gap was the unexplainably-upper-middle-class lifestyle. Kramer from Seinfeld. Most of the characters on Friends. The list goes on.

I’m all for suspending disbelief. But I want some truth-in-entertainment. Give us a stack of credit card bills on the kitchen table, a rejected ATM transaction, or the occasional collection agency phone call.

Now don’t get me wrong. I don’t like poor people either. In fact, fuck ‘em. But they (and their plight) do tend to be hilarious.

You have to hand it to Magic Johnson, after years of performing magic on the basketball court, he’s now performing his magic act in the pockets of unsuspecting ethnic people.

The metamorphosis from Magic Johnson, the jolly basketball player to Magic Johnson, the jolly street thug was a gradual process—so gradual, in fact, that most people probably haven’t noticed how sleazy he’s become.

Magic’s career as “business man” started like everybody else’s—with an eponymous chain of movie theatres. Before you knew it, he owned a few commercial buildings. Then, he got into the strange business of selling you your daily cup of undrinkably strong coffee (Starbucks) and your weekend order of “loaded” potato skins (TGI Fridays).

But, these days, Magic Johnson will sell you just about anything. His commercials are getting so outrageous, I wouldn’t be surprised if he’s figured out how to pick your pocket through the screen when you turn your back to the television.

Here’s a sampling of Magic’s latest “inventory”:

San Manuel Casino

An unusually raspy Magic pitches the long odds and third-shelf entertainment of Southern California Indian casinos.

Jackson Hewitt Tax Services

Claiming that it’s “money like magic,” he pushes the loan-shark-like terms of the Money Now Loan—an unfavorable Tax Refund Anticipation Loan scheme for the most desperate.

Rent-a-Center

The most thuggish of Magic’s hustles, Rent-a-Center will lease you an old TV for three times its original price and send someone to threaten you at your house if you miss a payment. Despite how bad that sounds, I think most of us can agree: it would totally be worth it if Magic showed up at your door, and personally beat you down in his NBA uniform.

See Magic’s Rent-a-Center Commercials