Why UPS Hates Ethnic People
I’ve hated UPS for most of my adult life.
Anyone that’s ever lived in an apartment, has had any kind of job that requires they leave the house, or lived in an even remotely ghetto neighborhood, pretty much hates them for the same reasons I do. It’s hard to get your stuff.
The bottom line is this: unless you’re in a mirrored-glass building downtown or in a nice house in a nice neighborhood, UPS doesn’t give a shit about your poor-ass, apartment-dwelling ethnic package. And, unless you’ve rearranged your schedule to get it delivered on the second or third attempt, you’ve had to—on more than one occasion—drive (or take the bus) to the UPS warehouse, on some industrial street you wouldn’t otherwise know existed, to pick up your own damn package.
Frankly, it makes sense UPS doesn’t like ethnic and poor people. If I were them, I wouldn’t like us either. UPS charges three times as much scratch for something the regular-ass post office has been doing for 200 years. There’s a post office in every neighborhood and a mailbox on every street corner. And, the post office (still) delivers on the weekend. Ethnic people are born with the instinct to see through this kind of bullshit, and would never in a million years use UPS given the choice (working there is another story).
Ethnic bargain hunters may not be good business for UPS, but the rich, the corporate, and the exceptionally white are. Those guys roll up into a ball just thinking about the post office, because it’s pretty much exclusively manned by rude, slow-moving ethnic people. (In Los Angeles, mostly impatient black ladies that don’t want to hear your shit.) The post office is inexpensive, and a lot of these types subscribe religiously to the sometimes-very-true notion that “low cost equals low value.” The post office is also the most general-admission place in town. John Q. Homeless can, and often does, stand in line right alongside you.
So imagine the surprised look on my face when I saw the latest series of UPS commercials, featuring an ambiguously ethnic, corporate-looking douchebag drawing pictures on a dry erase board (with a deliciously, and probably unintentionally, ironic choice for background music, a song by The Postal Service band). The craziest part about these commercials is that this douchebag isn’t delivering the packages, he’s the fuckin’ spokesman.
UPS's ambiguously ethnic douchebag spokesman.
I guess that after years of not giving a shit about ethnic people, UPS is finally realizing that brown can do more for them than they can for it.
Posted in Commercials & Ads, Douchebags | 
Tags: Andy Azula, Commercials, Douchebags, Post Office, The Postal Service, UPS, UPS Sucks
HAHA! Last weekend’s SNL made fun of the aforementioned spokesperson and his lady wig. Being brown and living in an “up & coming” part of town I have little to no issues with the neighborhood UPS guy. He’s actually nice, but then again he doesn’t wear a lady wig or carry a dry erase marker
I missed that one. I’ll have to look up the clip. For the record: I don’t have a problem with my UPS guy either, since I also live in a decent neighborhood these days. But, I’m sure my problems would resume if I were to move back into my old place.
P.s.
Ambiguously Ethnic (AE) seems to be a trend in marketing. I assume it is easier (read: cheaper) to “dub” over the narration and keep the same visuals. Universal Studios is really good at this.
P.s.s
I have noticed you enjoy the term “Douchebag” and use it repeatedly to get your point across. May I suggest mayhaps changing it up every now and again: I hear “Douche Nozzle” is upcoming and just as insulting. Actually, if you think about it, it might be even more insulting since it *is* the business end of said Douche.
Your fan,
~M
I use the term douchebag to refer to a specific profile and look of dude (google Guy Fieri for a good specimen), not necessarily as the catch-all insult that it can be sometimes. Maybe I’ll do a post on those guys to clarify.
On the topic of douche…I have deduced that the original douche bag was what is now known as the red rubber hot water bag, that’s why it has a hole on one side, you would hang it from that hole, then squeeze it to get the job done. So actually a douche bag is a good thing, it now helps old people’s aches and pains when filled with hot water. The douche nozzle…is it really that bad? That nozzle gets more pussy than that dude Tony I’ve seen on here. I was telling my homie the other day that the worse thing to be called would be “douche juice” (I made that up)…that shit that comes out once the douche has taken place. What do you guys think? That UPS commercial guy, what a batch of douche juice.